Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Baby Steps...

The migraine is gone. Alleluia.

The boy had the day off school today. It's been a long day.

My first CSA delivery came. My kitchen runneth over with apples, pears, tangerines, spinach, sweet potatoes, garlic, onions, tomatoes, and more yummy stuff than I can remember. Between that and a Trader Joe's run this morning, it's a healthy food warehouse in here.

Course, I just sucked down three Hershey Kisses from the kids' stash. Nice.

(ps--Dear Hershey: A big YUCK to the strawberry-goo filled Kiss I just bit into. BLEH!! Fruit, even in the form of high-frutcose syrup with a little flavoring and extra sugar, has no business in my chocolate. No raisins in my cookies, no fruit in my candy. Got that?? Feh. Blech. Ick. What are you thinking?? Chocolate that comes in foil wrappers goes with caramel, puffed rice, cookie pieces, and the occasional blob of peanut butter. That's it. Period, amen, it's in the Bible. You're going to kill people with that.)

Monday, October 29, 2007


We got home from the lake around 4 yesterday. Unpacked the car, started laundry, threw two turkey breasts into the oven (one for us, one for MIL and FIL--FIL was having surgery this morning), helped DH shut down the fishpond for the year, yelled at the kids about a dozen times, made peanut butter sandwiches for dinner (cuz I rock like that), got both kids into bed, and started making cream of wheat for DH.

My eyes went funny. I'm not sure I can even describe this accurately, but it was like dozens of clear worms were swimming in front of my face. Sort of like looking through a shower door--I could pretty much make out the world, but I couldn't focus on anything specifically. Couldn't read the clock, for example, but I could keep stirring the pot on the stove without burning myself.

After I made the cereal, I went and laid down for awhile. Which felt nice, but the worm symphony didn't go away. And being totally level-headed and not prone at all to overreacting to things, I came to the most logical conclusion available. Clearly, I was having a stroke. The whole high blood pressure thing had caught up with the whole chocolate addict/overweight thing, and I was about to collapse on one side of my body and either die right there in the family room or become hopelessly and completely debilitated. At the ripe old age of 37.

Having a stroke sounded better than meeting this week's deadlines and dealing with the Family Drama Du Jour, so I laid back and waited. Truthfully, I was kind of curious to see how this was going to feel. And DH was absorbed in some Discovery Channel thing, and the kids were in bed, and we've already been to the ER three times this year and I have no more energy to mediate between the hospital and my insurance company this week.

After awhile, the worms moved on to someone else's skull and things felt a little normal. No mobility loss or anything like that, although I couldn't think of the word "garlic" for awhile. At the time, that seemed more amusing than disconcerting. Garlic, garlic, garlic.

Later, a stabbing pain came piercing thru my skull. Ah. Not a stroke. An aneurism. Interesting. The TV was still droning on and I was still unwilling to wake up the finally-peaceful house, so I did the next logical thing and threw our green blanket over my head to pass out where nobody could see me. And where it was warm.

That went on for awhile, and when DH finally yanked the blanket off my head and said something loving and kind, like Go to bed already, dumbass, the light shot thru my eyeballs like lasers. Which, finally, made sense. Migraine. Of course. Duh.

I went to bed. Well, first I threw three Advil back, but then I went to bed. Felt better for awhile this morning, but then the light invaded my sensitive nerves again and I took two Excedrin Migraine pills. On an empty stomach. Real smart.

Long story short, I'm not feeling so hot today, gang. I just choked down a baked potato and some Coke Zero and I have a hot date with the couch, my daughter, and the Toys R Us Big Book. And a marker. For circling things. Most things, as it turns out. But "not the boy stuff--that's dumb."

Sunday, October 28, 2007

What I Learned at the Lake This Weekend

If you're ever invited to watch a bunch of rednecks chuck pumpkins into a whitewater course and race them down the river, you must go. It's the single most hilarious thing I've seen in recent memory.

Especially when one accuses the others of cheating.


Friday, October 26, 2007


it's a good idea to just shut up.

Know what I mean?

Happy Friday...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Dear Hon,

Remember when I cautioned you to control your antics in front of the kids, lest those antics come back to bite you in the posterior?

Uh huh.

Bear that in mind next time you're about to burst into song, particularly if that song involves anything from the 1970s and your unique brand of artistic license. Because today, when the hayride-in-the-rain got to be a bit much for our four-year-old field trippers and the teacher couldn't get them to even break out with "Old Mac Donald," she encouraged your daughter to "Sing your song!" And she did. Loudly and with great abandon.


You should have seen it. Really. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you'd been there. Because I was there, and every adult eye on that blasted wagon landed on me.

Have you ever stopped at the zoo to watch the prairie dogs? Then you know what I did. My eyes got huge, I murmered something like, "Oh, dear God," and tried my darndest to burrow under the wet straw for the rest of the excursion.

Control yourself. Please. Or else take over field trip duty. I'll be in the haystack, waiting for it all to be over.

Your blushing bride

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Day four of sticking to an actual diet. Not fun, but neither is feeling like Shrek in a town full of supermodels. Book club is Thursday, which means desserts and wine will be plentiful. If I'm good all week, I might allow myself something little and a glass of wine. A girls' gotta live.

Got an email from HR at DH's company. Re-enrollment time for insurance. And in a very rah-rah kind of way, we peons of the kingdom found out we'll now have something called co-insurance. Which means we pay a $300 deductible per person each year and 10 percent of all medical expenses upfront, on top of our copays. We'll also have a $50 deductible per year on prescriptions and have to pay the difference between generics and name-brand drugs. In my humble opinion, that's a really sucky way for a big company to save a few dimes. I plan to protest, loudly and with abandon. Insurance is the biggest scam in the world.

Speaking of that, I think we're going to drop our dental insurance. They don't pay for anything anyway. Why am I coughing up premiums, exactly?

DS has a playdate this afternoon and it's supposed to rain. That can't be good. Say a little prayer for my eardrums, wouldja? And for tomorrow, for my shoes--I'm taking DD's class to the pumpkin patch. The very muddy pumpkin patch. Doesn't rain for six stinkin' months, and it's going to open up on the one day I have to take a hayride. I'm not amused.

On a happier note, DS had a blast at Cub Scout Camp this weekend. I am so glad he wants to be part of scouting. Say what you will about the organization, but they put such emphasis on responsibility and personal accountability and being part of the community. I'm beyond impressed, seriously. And he's learning so much. There's a huge place in my heart for the leaders who are giving their time to head up the group for these boys. Huge.

We swapped Thanksgiving for Christmas yesterday. So Christmas will be at my house, all day. That makes me giddy. It takes away such chaos and stress. *~*happy dance*~*

My first CSA delivery is coming today! The list looks divinely yummy. I've never had acorn squash but am itching to try it! And we're getting bananas and lettuce and apples and cabbage and a bunch of other yummy, farm-raised treats. It's like Santa on a John Deere. Yay! Our grocery stores have such pathetic produce...I can't wait to get something with some actual flavor to it.

Off for the day. Have a good one, gang!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Baby Steps

We were out yard-saleing on Saturday morning when we passed the street. The one with the house for sale. In a neighborhood we love, at about half its value, from the estate of its original owners.

DH spoke first. "Isn't that the one with the house?"

We swung back. Found it. Pretty yellow cape-style colonial with a butt-ugly garage on the front. "We could fix that," said DH.

He hopped out of the car and walked around the vacant house, peering in the windows.

"It needs a ton of work," he said. I nodded--it was built in 1928 and pretty much not touched since then. I was sure that for the price, it would need renovation. But we've done that before.

We sat and stared at it. "It really does need a ton of work," he said again. And then he pointed at the really really hideously ugly house next door--think 1960s dentist office. "I'm really not sure I could stand being next to that, either."

Good point. We drove on. But the next day, he said, "I'm not sure we could make that house work for the money. And I really dont' like that thing next door."

So that one's out. Which is OK. At least now I know I'm not the only one with the bug. I think it's a matter of the right house for the right price. And I'm patient.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Headline Reality Check

Y'all know this Dumbledore guy isn't real, right? That he was made up between J.K. Rowling's ears and exists only between the covers of books? Fictional books? Fictional children's books?

Just asking...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Dear Ellen:

Two things:

1. Returning the dog to a rescue is standard procedure if the dog doesn't match up with you at home. Nearly every rescue I've talked to--and there have been many--has the same language in their adoption contract. It protects the dog and it protects the rescue from liability down the road. And it was in the contract! You seem like a literate gal. Try reading the document next time.

2. If you didn't want it to become a circus, what was with the cry-me-a-river hysterics on national television??

*shaking head*

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Run, Stephen, Run!

This is hilarious.

And I swear on my orange vinyl Halloween tablecloth, if he makes it onto the ballot, I'm voting for him. Hands-down.

He can't screw it up much worse than any of these other bozos, right?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Another crazy, time-crunch weekend. Started out with a wonderful dinner at a friend's house (I still want that recipe, A!), blitzkrieged into a soccer game and birthday party Saturday, and into a family hoo-ha-turned-disaster on Sunday. I am so flippin' tired. And this week involves an afterschool playdate today, soccer practice tomorrow, co-opping a playdate, and a soccer party Thursday, and pre-camping nuttiness on Friday. And my mother's coming over that day for lunch. And I had the heating people here today and two tree companies coming later this week. And work. UGH. I loathe weeks like this.

Someone on a board I visit asked how we all plan to treat ourselves soon. I ordered new exercise shoes yesterday and a new laptop battery today. Practical, to be sure, but treats all the same. The shoes should be here tomorrow. Maybe they'll motivate me to get off my quickly-widening rump and move my body.

(And I might need to hit REI tomorrow for this shirt. Totally not practical, but I heart it. Hee hee!)

I'm reading to my six-year-old's class in a few weeks. Anyone have a book suggestion? I'm leaning towards Leonardo the Terrible Monster (I read them Edwina last year), but am open to ideas. I'm supposed to read it and discuss it with them.
Anybody know how to juice up a FIOS wireless modem? It's not as powerful as my old DSL Linksys system, and I can't get a signal on my back deck. Harumph.
I am *this close* to having DH talked into a house addition. This close!!!! Everybody send up powerful chants for me. Oooommmm....oooooommmmmm....

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Lesson learned

Don't ever follow up a dinner of garlic roasted red potatoes with a dessert of a fresh Rice Krispy Treat.


Mommy is a Fusspot

This is what my daughter said to me today, shortly after I picked her up. I laughed when she said it--we've been calling her a fusspot for well over three years. But unlike when we say it about her, I really am grouchy today.

  • DH (doesn't stand for "dear" today, by the way) picked 10:30 last night to attack a slow drain in our upstairs bathroom. He is very, very good at many, many just isn't one of them. So he banged and plunged and dropped things and made all kinds of racket for a few hours before waking me (sort of) at 2 a.m. to tell me to call the plumber today. The sink went from slow to completely un-usable and I'm wiped out for lack of sleep. Thanks, hon.
  • The plumber can't come until tomorrow. PITA.
  • While we're talking about him, we have this godforsaken walnut tree in my side yard. It's huge--towers over my two-story house. One of many junk trees to litter my tiny lawn. And around this time ever year, it starts pelting the yard with walnuts. Which are not soft. So last night, the damn nuts start pounding the roof and the AC unit. And Head Dipshit acts like this is so shocking, that they're damaging our property. God only knows what they're doing to the neighbors' house. But he still won't lose the tree. I have two arborists coming next week to give me estimates on drastically pruning it, but it has to stay. I wonder if I can slip them a little cash to kill it. Accidentally. Whoopsee.
  • I had to go to a class coffee at DS's school this morning. I loathe walking into rooms full of people for social events. I'm a small-crowd kind of girl and feel so horribly out of place at crap like that. Bleh.
  • I keep stuffing my face and am getting downright fat. It's compulsive.
  • We're out of dog food. And the WDCL eats prescription food that I can only get from our vet. Who's 20 minutes away. Off we go...

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Heeeeeere We Go!

October 9, and the holiday drama has already begun. This one doesn't want to have that dinner at the other one's house, this one over here is going way down there and avoiding the whole thing, and the other one doesn't give a rip but is not helping this year. Period.

Sadly, I've come to hate the period between November 15 and January 2. Thank you, very large extended pain in the ass family. You've sapped every ounce of joy out of the season and replaced it with stress and anxiety. And just like the decorations in Target, you start earlier every blasted year.

Ho ho, bah humbug.


Thursday, October 4, 2007

Rant O' The Day

I got the look today...the "You're seriously not getting a flu shot??!!" look.


The answer is no, I'm not getting the flu shot. I think the flu shot is a load of hooey, quite frankly. It "protects" against one or two strains out of hundreds, it's a total guessing game to decide which strains get included in what year's shot, and there hasn't been a single study that's proven the flu shot actually protects anyone against the flu. In fact, a study was released last week that showed it didn't protect the elderly, which has always been the #1 demographic encouraged to get the stupid thing.

The flu shot is a gigantic coffers-booster for pharmaceutical companies, who have tremendous lobbying power. Period. The reason you're so strongly encouraged to get one is that those companies lobby Congress, which leans on the AMA. And those companies also stock your doctor's freebies closet. If S/he doesn't dole out enough shots, s/he loses that closet full o' loot. Which s/he relies upon greatly.

Don't think I'm right? Then answer this: what other supposed vaccination can you get at the grocery store without a doctor's prescription? So far this year, I've seen flu shot clinics at the grocery store, Target, Wal-Mart, the library, the senior center, and my child's preschool. If one was so inclined, one could run around all autumn and stock up on flu shots, getting one after another, and nobody would keep track. You name another supposed lifesaving drug that's just handed out willy-nilly like that. It's all but over the counter! How effective could it possibly be?

I also just passed on the chicken pox booster for my six-year-old, but that's a whole 'nother rant...

Monday, October 1, 2007

Another Language, Maybe?

With many apologies to those who've already listened to me whine about this...I spent part of last night (inspired by my friend, A) looking skyward and asking the Power That Is to please find another way to communicate with me. I suspect s/he's trying to get a message down here, and I'm just too dense to get it.

Why do I think that, you ask? Because in the past week, we've ("we" being me and DH) survived three visits to the emergency room with various immediate family members, one rush to the pediatrician's office for a right-now sick visit, one phone call about another young family member having a heart attack and being hospitalized, and the news that my six-year-old needs to see a cardiologist soon. (Appt's next week)

So, while I get that the Power needs to get something across to me, I'm not understanding what it is. Do you? And if you do, could you please enlighten me before anybody else gets hurt?

I miss the old days, when divine messages came via burning and talking bush or very vivid and very idiot-proof dreams. Much clearer, those messages. If you ask me, this isn't much of an upgrade at all.

Maybe Bill Gates really is God...