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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Listen Here, Newbie

Dear Lil' Bill:


You are cordially invited to come chip all the ice out of my driveway. Show me how big and bad you are, you manly Chicagoan! 

Pretty easy to throw 'round insults from a house that's totally cleared for you, isn't it? Pretty easy to dis the roads when you're all riding around in an armored, bionic limo with an escort of, what, 300 Suburbans?

Seriously, dude. I'm with you that we're wimpy in snow. But today isn't snow (you should step outside the gates sometimes...it'll do you good). It's ice. About a half-inch of the stuff, coating everything. 

Yesterday's snow day was crap. I have a theory about it, but that's for another day. Today's, though, was legit. Trust me. I had to go out and chip and bang and break and crack and shovel just so the dog could take a crap. Serious stuff, at least in this neighborhood. And at least one of your girls goes to school in this neighborhood.

You're pretty new in town, cowboy. Best to shush your mouth on the wisecracks and critiques 'til you get the lay of the land. Else, it'll be high noon with the pollsters before you know what even happened.

ps--Feel free to shuttle my kids around in your mega motorcade. Make my life easier. And then open the school.

XOXO

Kim, the mom

6 comments:

Matthew's Mom said...

Perhaps by him saying this there will be school tomorrow =) That would be nice.

Ali

J. Chapman said...

That is awesome. I was just having a discussion yesterday about Virginian's snow attitude and how folks say we don't know how to drive in ice and snow. Yesterday morning it started snowing here, then changed to sleet. By the time I was on my way out a curvy road towards the country, it was sleeting and switching to rain. I could still feel a little slip if I turned the corner at normal speed, but I knew to drive slower on this road especially. So, lo and behold, in the ditch was a pickup truck and a man was standing beside it. I offered to call the police for him and he said that would be great. It looked like he would have to be towed out. He seemed okay, but he might have spun out and ended in the ditch because there was damage to the front end of his truck.

I had to forward your post plus the link to the article to some of the women that were there in the bible study.

Renfield said...

And I tell you what, the private schools in Chicago are usually the ones closing the night BEFORE the weather even gets here. He's full of shit. And for the record, we've had three snow days this winter already.

Kathy said...

You are a miserable, miserable woman. And you should be ashamed of yourself for calling him L'il Bill!!

Kim Fernandez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim Fernandez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.